(郭敏姊妹和两个女儿)

日记摘录

郭敏 2015年9月18日

March 7, 2013

Recently, I feel that I am in God’s grace every day. It is not what I can do. It is HIS grace for everything I have. Everything is from HIM. Inside of me has peace now. Since this school year, I was so struggle with my students. Every day is very challenge. I was very frustrate. But since last few weeks, I finally started to ask God to calm down my heart. I can feel peace inside of me. I try to listen inside of me. Not outside noise. I feel much better now. My conversation with my students was also much softer. I really need Holy Spirit gives me wisdom to deal with my students. I also need God give me HIS eyes so when I see my students, I can see from HIS eyes. It is very different between my eyes and HIS eyes. HIS eyes see through love, my eyes see through justice. HIS eye has mercy, my eyes has condemn.

March 8, 2013

This afternoon my first class was room309. When they came in, I plan to give them a little bit work. Then I can give them more time to play some educational game. But they did not appreciate it at all. They started to ask for free time- real free whatever they want to do. I know it was not good. I did not agree with it. Then they started to complain. I have to call the main office to ask somebody to talk to them. When Ms. Flores (my assistant principal) came, they almost all started to point figures to me. I really want to cry out. But I know I could not do it. They were all against me. 我可以感觉到被遗弃似的。At that moment, I was holding the tears in my eyes. I really want to leave this school. I can’t handle it no more. But after I was calm down, I realized when Jesus was crucified, all HIS people 遗弃 HIM too. It seems that I can feel a little bit of it. So I told God, I will stay here until HE let me go. There is nothing could happen to me if HE doesn’t allow it. Thanks Jesus let me know even HE was 被遗弃, He still love HIS people so that I can have strength to love and to have mercy for those student .

March 9, 2013

This morning I had a dream. My pastor asked me to make dumpling for pastor Xu. I was very happy to make it for him. Even the dumplings I was making looks not very good, but pastor Xu like it. He give me a very expensive car. That car is not the car we can see on market all the time. It is a very special one. I was so happy about it. I don’t why, it was not one, and it was two cars. Total 12 万 (50k &70k) 。 I told my brother in law about I earn 2 expensive cars --12 万. I was very, very happy about it. After I woke up, I first thought 神在光照我。Then I talked to Jackie and Sue. It is a good dream. God likes me to make dumplings. Even it looks not good, HE still like it. HE give me rewards-- a lot lot more than what I did. Thank you God, Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Holy Spirit. I love you.

May 16, 2013

Yesterday I saw email about Pastor Hongbaoli’s funeral, I really felt sad. Pastor Hong was not too old. He got cancer 6 months ago. It was so fast. He went back home in haven. When I read bible Isaiah 40: 6 today, I really can understand God says “All men are like grass”

“A voice says, “Cry out.” And I said, “What shall I cry?”

“All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.” The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. (Isaiah 40: 6-7)After I read it, I really feel that I need to focus on God more. I am just grass. I don’t know how soon I will wither. I really need to keep focus. But I cannot do it by myself. I need your help, Jesus. Please help me so that I can keep focus on you.

May 23, 2013

This morning before I woke up, I had a dream. I saw Gene sitting somewhere. I feel so love him and go to kiss him. I gave him a big big kiss. Then he want me to go with him (seem like). They have to use rope to 捆him. If I go with him, I have to do it too. He got banded, but I did not want to get it. When I woke up, I did not know what it was. But I think Jesus wants me to see his 捆绑。So I pray: 奉耶稣基督的名，錾断骆公瑾身上一切的捆绑。

Jun 11, 2013

On Sunday, there was a sister from another church came to us for 门徒训练班。She kept complaining about her situations. All the sudden, I understood

“求你指教我们怎样数算自己的日子，好叫我们得着智慧的心。” (诗篇 90:12)

It is HIS grace that I know how to number my day’s right, this is the heart of wisdom. I can complain for everything 壹 don’t like, but I can choose to live in HIS love and grace not to complain about it. This is how to number my day’s right, so that I may gain a heart of wisdom.

Thank you, Holy Spirit let me understand this verse. Love you.

9-23-2013

In the morning, I was hurry to drive kids to their school. After I dropped Ann off, I was hurry to pull out the car to the road. I did not see whether or not there was a car on the road. My driver side front hit a moving car. Oh, no. It was a black Honda. The car was very new. The Honda stopped ahead. A Indian lady came to me. She asked me whether or not I saw her. I said no. She asked me “ are you Ok?” I said yes. She asked Gloria “ is her Ok”. I said yes. I ask her “ do you want me to call ( police I mean) twice. She did not answer me. She said “ is your car ok?” I asked yes. I asked her “ is your car Ok” she said yes. She gave me a hug. It is really surprise me. She said “ even through there is a scratch, we can fix it. Don't worry about it. ” She asked me “ Can I go?” I said yes. Then She left. I really did not know what to think. I hit the car but she did not even report. She asked me to give her permission to leave. It is a miracle. It is God’s grace. I had an accident but she just like an angel to me. After that I was just hurry to send Gloria to the school. I checked the car, only bumper had some black mark.

When I send Ann to soccer practice in the evening, I was talking about the accident with Ann. She said she saw the accident. She thought it was a flat tire. I said it was not. When I waited for her, I checked the driver side tire, there was a little 撕坏的地方在轮胎侧面，但我发现轮胎上面和侧面交界处已经裂开了个缝。我以为是车祸造成的。我就为轮胎祷告，求神能让我们把车开回家。

9-24-13 早晨送完孩子，我又看了一下前面右侧轮胎，也是裂的。我这才明白神借着车祸提醒我该换轮胎。当我去换胎时才知道这样的胎非常危险。这真是神的保守和提醒。感谢神。换轮胎时，他们又提醒我雨刷器坏啦，我这才明白为什么雨刷器那么响。我又马上去换雨刷器。感谢神！

9-19-14

我宁愿夸我的软弱，好让神的大能覆庇我

这周二因老公的几句辱骂，我感觉很sad.因为去苏重家看他岳父，就和他分享这件事。他说这是属灵征战。我们要和他后面的灵征战，而不是这个人。这些我都懂。但在那个时刻就是不能胜过。周三思想这件事时，我突然明白一件事。那就是以利亚逃命的事。

以利亚刚刚在亚哈王和巴利的假先知面前行了件大神迹并把450 假先知都杀了，当“耶洗别就差遣人去见以利亚，告诉他说，明日约在这时候，我若不使你的性命像那些人的性命一样，愿神明重重地降罚与我。以利亚见这光景就起来逃命，到了犹大的别是巴，将仆人留在那里，”（王19：2-3）

以前我就是不明白为什么以利亚要逃跑，他可是刚刚经历那样大的神迹。当周二的事情发生时，我明白了。人肉体的软弱。我们能胜过环境，完全是神的恩典，而不是我们的能力。当我们依靠神时（神与我们同在），我们凡事都能做。当我们活在肉体里时，我们的反应就是惧怕，忧伤，生气等等，表现出来的就只是软弱了。但当我们依靠神时，我们对事情的反应就是平安，喜乐。我们只有活在神的同在中才能过得胜的生活。只要一不小心，就回到肉体里。

所以我真是觉得保罗很聪明。他说 “但是为我自己，除了我的软弱以外，我并不夸口 ”（林后12：5）“他对我说，我的恩典够你用的。因为我的能力，是在人的软弱上显得完全。所以我更喜欢夸自己的软弱，好叫基督的能力覆庇我。”（林后12：9）

真的我没有什么可夸口的。一切都是神的恩典。我白白领受。让我也能像保罗那样更喜欢夸自己的软弱，好叫基督的能力覆庇我。这样的生活是多么幸福。没有任何重担。